RANDY:♪ Goin' down to Tegridy Farms,gonna have myself a time ♪
♪ Friendly faces everywhere
♪ Humble folkswithout temptation ♪
ANNOUNCER: The Tegridy FarmsHalloween Special!
RANDY: ♪ There's ample parkingday or night ♪
♪ people spouting,"Howdy, Neighbor" ♪
♪ I'm headin' on downto Tegridy Farms ♪
♪ Gonna see ifI can't unwind ♪
ANNOUNCER:The Tegridy farms HalloweenSpecial, brought to you by...
ANNOUNCER #2:Tegridy Weed.
[Singing] It's the mostwonderful time of the year,
Well?You all excited, gang?
For Halloween?I guess so.
This isn't justany Halloween,
because this week, Tegridy Weedis doing a Halloween Special.
It's a bigpromotional thing.
Everyone's gonnalove it.
Hey, where's Shelly?
Shelly hasn't come outof her room in two days.
You know why, Randy.
[ Sighs ]Yeah.
Hey, Shelly.Can I talk to you for a minute?
What do you want?
Come on, kiddo.
Come talk withyour old man, huh?
Come on, punk.
Shelly, we need to talk aboutyour marijuana problem.
You know, what's yourproblem with it?
I hate marijuana.
Yes, we all know!But why?
It stinks, and it makeseveryone in this town
dumber thanthey already are.
Shelly, the truth is,some of the most important
people in the worldsmoke weed.
Did you know that Snoop Doggsmokes weed?
Yes. Everyone knows Snoop Doggis a stupid pot head.
Way more people enjoy marijuanathan you think, okay?
Okay, who's your idol?
Who do you most look up toin the whole world?
High as a kiteevery tennis match.
No she's NOT!RANDY
You don't know that,Shelly.
Now you're justmaking assumptions.
Everyone in this countryis getting dumber,
and I wish marijuanawas illegal again!
[ Gasps ]Shelly!
Okay, look,the thing is,
this problem you're havingwith marijuana -
it's just got to stop, okay.
We're working on our TegridyFarms Halloween Special, okay?
Nobody wants a giant bummerruining it.
I love you.
Whoa. Very impressive.
Find anything good,Butters?
One minute, dad.Archaeologist Butters just needs
to get his stamp and stickerfor his artifact book.
Ha ha!Another rare find.
Well, did you all enjoythe museum, gang?
Wait. Wait.We can't leave yet.
I got all the stickersand stamps except for one.
Well, I'm pretty surewe saw the whole exhibit.
Can I just check aroundone more time?
But then meet us backright here.
What you are seeing hereare original knots
which were joining the mainpieces of the kufu boat.
The cedar timbersof the boat's hull
were lashed togetherwith hemp rope
in a technique useduntil the-
RANDY: Whoa. Whoa.Wait just one second.
Are you actually sayingthat hemp,
a classificationof cannabis,
was actually used bythe ancient Egyptians?
Well, yes.In fact, it's been found
that cannabis was usedby Egyptians
for its medicalproperties, as well.
Hold thefreaking phone.
You're telling us thatmarijuana has been used
throughoutthe centuries --
Is this whyyou brought me here?
No, I -- I'm just-I'm surprised that --
You said you wanted a specialday with just your daughter.
You said a father-daughter dayat the museum
could helpus connect.
And it is, Shelly.We're having a great time.
I don't care if Egyptiansused stupid pot!
She has amarijuana problem.
Been there.Saw that.
Where's that stupidlast sticker-stamp?
Sarcophagus and mummifiedremains of Egyptian royalty.
This is it!My last sticker!
That's the mummyof Took-Tan-ra.
You don't want to put that stampin your sticka book.
Nobody puts that stampin their sticka book.
But this ismy last one.
It's got a curse on it --
ancient love cursenot fit for any child.
You can look at the mummyall you like,
but you don't want that stampin ya sticka book.
[ Laughs ]That's okay.
I'm no ordinary child.
I amArchaeologist Butters.
Yeah, for someof us, maybe.
It's just so hard being a parentsometimes, you know?
I've tried everythingto get through to my daughter.
I took her toa laser show.
I played her all of"Dark Side of the Moon."
But it's like -- It's likethere's something in her head
that just doesn'tget it.
That's rough, Randy.I'm sorry.
I just - I have to live my life,you know?
I can't let her problems withmarijuana drag me down anymore.
No, you're right.You're totally right.
So, anyway, hey, how's theHalloween Special coming along?
The Halloween Special?Oh, it's ready.
Yeah.It's right over here.
Oh, wow!The Halloween Special!
I'm so excitedto try it!
Yeah, it's basicallya hybrid
of our Tegridy Goldand Colorado Kush.
Turned out really great,I think.
[ Sniffs ]
Oh, wow.That is nice.
I'd like to see anyone competewith this Halloween Special.
[ Loud bang ]
[ Single knock ]
[ Two knocks ]
[ Screams ]
[ Screams ]
That's okay.Yeah, that's okay.
There you go.
[ Groans lightly ]
For- For me?
Oh. Thank you.
Oh, wow!A Fitbit!
[ Groans lightly ]
Well, thank you.Thank you.
I -- I actuallyalready have a Fitbit,
but I could give this oneto a friend!
[ Groans ]
I just--I have one, so...
Furniture polish, paint thinner,and bleach.
Ammonia and antifreeze,one tablespoon each.
I hate everybody.
I just like to read.
Everyone's stupid.They smoke too much weed.
So, with this eldrich potion,and these ancient words,
I make my revengeupon all the turds.
[ Knocking ]
[ Ominous music plays ]
We want to ask yousome questions
about what happenedin town last night.
What happened in town?
People were attacked byan ancient Egyptian mummy.
It killed five people, anddestroyed everything it could.
Oh. A mummy, huh?
That's -- That's weird.
Oh, you just thinkthat's weird?
Because The mummy saysyou two got in some kind
of altercationlast night.
What?The mummy talked to you?
Is it true, sir,that you and the mummy...
"got into an argumentover a gift
which you didn't seemto appreciate"?
There was no argument.
I just said I already had it,and I'd give it to a friend.
A present that the mummygot for you?
I just --
You can see how that couldbe pretty hurtful?
Did you throw the mummyout of your house?
No! I didn't throw the mummyout of the house!
The mummy got all pissed offat me, and left!
You're gonna have to sharein the damages, here, son.
But I didn't doanything wrong!
Okay look, officers.I think...
I'm under some kindof curse.
Well, that's what the mummytold us about you.
You've got a summonsto appear in court.
Until then, I just suggestyou and the mummy
stay awayfrom each other.
Oh, man.I really like it.
Yeah. It's smooth.
It's really smooth.
This is so good that we shouldstop smoking it right now.
We don't want to ruin ourHalloween experience, you know?
This is seriously gonna bethe best Halloween ever.
[ Screams ]Shelly!
That's what I thinkof your stupid special!
PC PRINCIPAL: Alright, everyone,listen up.
Halloween has almost arrived,and I want to make sure that
we are all awareof certain guidelines
when it comes toHalloween costumes at school.
Now, I don't want to seeany fucking sombreros!
Alright? If I see any fuckingMexican sombreros,
or anyone fucking dressedlike a fucking Native American,
I'm gonna losemy fucking shit.
There will be noHOBOS or BUMS -
anything depicting peoplefrom low-income households.
Oh, no Halloweenfor you, Kenny.
And lastly,heed my fucking words -
if I see any of you girlsdressed as fucking Moana,
I am gonna losemy fucking mind.
Alright, now, the student bookfair is coming up next week.
We encourageall students to --
[ Crashing ]
And that'sall that happened.
I put that stampin the sticker book,
and now this mummy is destroyingeverything around me.
I need help.-M'kay.
A-And do you feel likemaybe the mummy's trying to,
you know, get you to react?
Well, what do you mean?-Well, you know, Butters,
the mummy just feels like youget to do whatever you want
but it doesn't get to dowhatever it wants.
Wait, the mummy talkedto you, too?!
Yeah, yeah, we had a good talk.Yeah.
Why is it talking to everyone?!
I think the mummy'svery insightful andcares about you a lot --
No, it doesn't!This is crazy!
Look, the mummy's just sad
because you get to go to schooland have fun
and what does the mummyget to do?
You know, it just sits aroundbeing a mummy, you know.
That's not fair.-First of all,
I don't have fun at school!And secondly,
the mummy can dowhatever it wants. I don't care!
Right, but you do care, Butters,because you're sitting here
in my office talkingabout all the bad thingsthe mummy does, m'kay?
[ Sighs ]
Randy! Quick!You gotta come see!
I just need some time,okay Towelie?
But you don't understand!The special!
Well, it's a miracle!
Come on!You're not gonna believe it!
Alright, Towelie,what is this -- Whoa!
"Creepshow" music plays.
The Halloween special --
Whatever your daughterthrew on this shit
made it more powerfulthan ever.
Yeah! We're back!Yeah!
It's getting worseeveryday.
Last night,the mummy attacked my parents!
And then it said I was beingnarcissistic!
It has no reason.No logic.
One minute it's destroyingeverything
and the next it's sending meselfies like nothing happened!
Look!The whole thing is so crazy,
It's starting to make me think I'm crazy!
Well, it is a little crazy howmuch you talk about the mummy.
It's a freaking mummy!Wouldn't you talk about it?!
We're just saying, Butters, thatsometimes it all seems
a little co-dependent.Yeah, like you and the mummy
just need to doyour own thing sometimes.
I would love that,but I don't have a choice!
I swear you guys,mummies can smell fun!
Whenever I'm somewhereand I actually starthaving a good time,
I get a call or a textfrom the mummy
sayin',"Hey, what are ya doin'?"
Like it knows.
Well, you're kinda having funnow, aren't you?
Yeah, it is funto get away
and just talkto you guys about it.
[ Shouting ][ Screaming ]
[ Creepy music plays ][ Groaning ]
[ Music stops ]Ah, gosh darn it.Hang on a second, fellas.
Ok, that should be enoughHalloween Special forthe first few people.
Now, I think we should putthe open bar in this area
and the hot tubmaybe right here.
Yeah,that'll work well.
Dad, you have to drive meto the book fair.
[ Chuckling ] W-What?
Mom said you have to drive me
because she's taking Stantrick or treating.
You're going to a book fair.-Yes.
-On fucking Halloween?!-Yes!
I don't even know howto deal with you anymore.
You're doing thison purpose, aren't you?
You're my dad.Drive me to the book fair!
I will not!I have things to get ready!
And nobody cares about bookson Halloween, Shelley!
The last thingpeople in this town need
is more marijuana!
[ Shouting ] Oh, my God!
It's a nightmare.It's a personal hell.
I've done everything I can as afather
to help herwith her problem,
but she just ignoreseverything I say!
I can't do this.
You're sucha piece of shit, Dad!
[ Shouts ]Shelley, I love you!
And what does her motherhave to say about this?
Her mother doesn't sayanything anymore!
Whenever I bring up ourdaughter's marijuana problem,
my wife says,"I'm gonna lose my mind
if you bring this up again."It's destroying all of us!
I just think maybe anight in jail is thewake-up call that she needs.
I'm barely gonna have funat the Halloween Special now.
It's gonna be really hardfor me to rage
knowing you're in here, Shelley.It's gonna be really hard
for me to rage.
Alright, here you go.
When you have a problemwith drugs and alcohol,
you hurt everyone around you.Happy Halloween.
BUTTERS: What are you in for?
I'm in herebecause apparently
I'm a passive-aggressive,controlling,
and manipulative psychopathwho's narcissistic behavior
drives other people crazy.
♪ Oaktown posse they will
♪ Turn this mutha out
Hey, trick or treat. We're herefor the Halloween Special?
Alright,here you go guys!
That's a promotional giftfrom Tegridy Farms!
Hey, come on in guys.There's candy and a hot tub!
Samplers of the special arethere on the table guys.
Feel free to light up!
Wow! We'realmost out, Randy.
I gotta go to the barnand get some more!
Okay, I'll hold downthe fort!
♪ Turn this mutha out
♪ Jimmy crack cornand I don't care ♪
♪ Jimmy crack --
[ Creepy music plays ]
[ Barn growls ]
So I said, 'Okay! Fine!You don't ever do
anything wrong.It's all me.
You've got no problems.Only I have problems!
Alright, I'll lockmy own ass up.
Then we'll seewho's got issues.
Will you shut up!
I'll be in here and somethingwill go horribly wrong tonight
and then the monster will haveto accept what it is
and finally workon changing, right?
deals with the ways riverschange over time.
[ Inhales ]It's geology shit.
It's why I got out of it,really.
Hey, man,what's in this weed?
Oh! That's a company secret,my friend!
No I mean, I --
I don't feel so --[ Shouting gargling ]
Hey, you alright there,buddy?
[ Shouting ]
Whoa!Dude, you see that?
[ Groaning ]
[ Screams ]
[ Both shouting ]
Towelie, there's something wrongwith the special!
There's somethingin the barn!
The thing you killed,it wants revenge!
Oh, Jesus, what's happened?!
It's dead 'cause-a you,and now it wants your soul!
What?!What's dead 'cause-a me?!
Oh, hello there.Would you like to die?
[ Screaming ]
Winnie the Pooh!Winnie the Pooh!
Detective Harris! Something'sgoing down at the Marsh farm!
Calm down, sir!I can't understand you.Put him on speaker.
[ Telephone clicks ]RANDY: There's monsters everywhere!
It's some kind of curse!
The mummy! I told you!
All different kinds of monsters!
Zombies and plant people and bears!
Oh, my God! What's that?!
Oh, God,it's Harvey Weinstein!
He's got me! You gotta --
Oh, he's inside me!
Harvey Weinstein is inside me!
You gotta send help!People are dying everywhere!
No! Harvey, I said no!
Please somebody --
This is it, everyone.Let's move!
All hands on deck! We gottatake these monsters down!
Bring the kidwho manipulates the mummy
with his passive aggressiveselfishness!
[ Lock clanging ]
[ Sirens wailing,tires squealing ]
[ Guns cocking ]
[ Police radio chatter ]
Alright, men!Let's take these monsters out!
No, just hold on a second.
I'll take care of this!
[ Shouting ]
[ Mooing ]
Oh, God,it's the cows we killed!
[ Screaming ]
Oh, I'm really going to enjoyeating your brains.
[ Randy and Towelie shouting ]TOGETHER: Get em off a me!Get em off a me!
Oh, my God,get him off of me!
[ Randy and Towelie shouting ]TOGETHER: Get em off me!
Help! Someone help us!
-Someone help us!-Get him off of me!
Ahh! We gotta fight 'em,Towelie!Help! Someone help us!
I wanna live!We're going to live!We're going to live!
You monsters,go back to Hell!
[ Both screaming ]
TOGETHER:There's too many of them!
[ Shouting ] Oh, what is --what is that?!
[ Grumbling ]
Just some peoplewho are really, really high.
ALL: Awwwww...I can't shoot anyone?
You were so convincedthe mummy was to blame
for everything,weren't you?
So convinced youmade us all believe it, too.
I'm -- I'm sorry?
Yeah, well it's not us youreally need to be sorry to.
[ Sad music plays ]
Let's see if you even havea shred of decency
to apologize when somethingis clearly your fault.
I'm so sorry.You're right.
I can be selfishand narcissistic.
I-I'm gonna workon myself and...
try to makethis curse work somehow.
[ Groaning ]
[ Sighs heavily ]
[ Engine starts ]
It says, "I hope you can getthe help you need.
I can't fix you."
[ Yawns ]
Hey, guessI slept in late, huh?
What time is it?
It's 8:15 a.m.
That was some strong-assHalloween Special, y'all.
I mean I saw rapists in the hottub, zombie cows...
I thought I was gonna die,and then...
this fat, bitchy angel cameand put me to bed.
Did everyone enjoythe Halloween Special?
No, Randy, only you did.
Oh...Well, that was pretty much
my target audience, anyway.
Hey, at least I didn'treally have butt sex
with Harvey Weinstein, huh?
Or did I?
Whoo!Happy Halloween, everybody!
Tegridy Farms Halloween Special
It’s Halloween and Randy is dealing with his daughter’s marijuana problem. Butters gets an unexpected surprise when he visits the Egyptian Artifact exhibit at the Denver Museum.