So listen guys...
We are not in good shape.
We aren't selling enough weed
to keep up with our costs.
We can't sell fast enough
to pay for it all.
So...
How do we sell more weed?
Stan
Not good enough!
Good morning, everyone...good morning.
So listen, guys,we are not in good shape.
The wholedoing-business-in-China thing
has sort ofbitten us in the ass.
And now we aren't selling enoughweed to keep up with our costs.
You see this?This right here?
That's us plateauing.
We no longer get any of thatsweet Chinese money
and now,all the money we do make
doesn't even cover our expenses.
So, how do we sell more weed?Stan?
[ Scoffs ]I don't know.
Do, like a sale?Like a fall sale?
Not good enough!Shelley?
I hate marijuana.
Nice attitude. How do we sellmore weed? Sharon?
If you don't make commercialsor do more parades for the town
we'd have more money.Right, cut outall our marketing.
That's Sharon's great idea,everyone. Towelie?
You know what the problem is,it's the schwag.
All those stands and seeds,they just go to waste, man.
Go on.
It's like -- we sellall the good parts of the weed
but we throw away, like,tons and tons
of allthe left over shit.
You can sell that crap as mulchto a hardware company.
Mulch.
Use our discarded product torecover costs.
Everyone, great job.
You just got pwned by a towel.
Both:♪ It's Sloppy Joe Day!
I seriously thinkthat Sloppy Joe Day
is my favorite dayat school.
Yeah, it's the best.
Both: ♪ Sloppy Joe Dayit's sloppy Joe day! ♪
Come on,keep the line moving, kids!
What is this?That's today's lunch.
It's feesh.[fish]Feesh?
But, but this isSloppy Joe Day.
Yeah, well,the menu's been changed.
We had kids complainin'our food wasn't healthy
or sustainable enough so don'tyou start bitchin' about it now.
What kids were complaining abouthealth and sustainability?!
What kids would care at allthat -- [Gasps]
The girls!The girls?
The fuckin' girls.
Excuse me!
Can someone explain to us whythis is on our lunch trays?
Yeah, it's supposed to beSloppy Joe Day!
We asked forhealthier options
and to sometimes have foodfor those of us
who don't eat red meat.
Oh, my God.I'm about to lose my mind...
You think you can just mess witha man's lunch --
It's okay Eric --You think that your ideas
about health and nutrition --should be somehow
interfering with mine --Eric, Eric...
You dictate what foodsI can eat --
Urk![ Tray clatters ]
[ Gasping, grunting ]
Eric? Eric?I can't. I can't.
Butters, I can't...[ Whump ]
[ Food splatters ]
[ Siren wails ][ Monitor beeping ]
[ Shockers charge ]Clear.
[ Thump ]
We got him back.
Fuck you, Wendy.
How much you thinkwe'll get for our mulch?
Even if we only getten cents a pound,
we have, like,a million pounds of it.
This is gonnasave our business.
I'm really hungryall of a sudden,
you want someBurger King?
Yeah, I'll take someonion rings.
♪♪
Welcome to Burger King,can I take your order?
Uh, hi, can I get, um,large onion rings...
The big Coke Zero and, um...
What's an Impossible burger?
It's aplant-based burger, sir.
Plant based?
You mean, like,it's not, like, a cow?
No sir,it's completely vegan,
but it's engineered to replicatethe taste and texture of beef.
Huh.Okay I'll try it.
[ Cash register beeps ]
♪♪
Hey,this tastes like shit.
You guys make moneyoff of this?
They're very popular, sir.
A lot of people care about theenvironment and sustainability.
Ah, that, that's amazing.
I mean, this seriouslytastes like dog shit.
and you get people to buy it?
Wait a minute...
Plant based...
Plant.
Based...
Plant based. Oh, my God.
Comin', through!Make way!
Hey guys,how's it going?
You're out ofthe hospital?
Yes. The girls tried to kill me,but they didn't succeed.
However we cannot letthe girls' protests
ruin our lunch ever again.
Nichole:Oh, gimme a break!
It's not just girlswho want to change the menu,
it's boys too!Yeah!I want vegan food!
A lot of studentsare protesting!
Well their protestingis ruining my lunch!
We have a rightto free speech!
Yes, we do all havefreedom of speech,
but at times there areramifications for the negative
that can happen,when you're not thinking
about others and you're onlythinking for yourself!
Woah, woah, woah-what's going on, kids!
the protestors are trying tokill Eric again Mr. Mackey!
M'kay, kids, we don't wantanother incident here, m'kay?
When you try tochange people's lunch,
they don't realize it harmspeople financially, physically,
emotionally, and spiritually.[ Grunts ]
Eric, it's okay.
We aren't going to change theschool menu, m'kay?
Everything's fine.
That's not fair!
Doesn't it matterwe're being silenced?!
[ Gasps ]My lunch!
Girls, I'm sorry. Butthe health of our studentshas to come first.
Gerald, thanks for coming.
You're not going tobelieve this.
Believe what?Your text said that --Come on!
Come on! Come on!
I think I've perfected it,Gerald.
I've made a sustainable,healthy alternative to meat.
I want you to to try it.
It's a hamburger?It's a Tegridy burger.
Go ahead.Try it.
Well?
[ Muffled, mouthful ]It tastes like shit.Yeah, it's plant based.
But keep eating it though.
I just -- I justdon't think it's very good.
Randy wait for it.
Wait for it.
Oh.
Oh-ho![ Both laughing ]
Huh?Yeah, it's good.Yeah, right?
It's reallyfucking good, man.
This is like the best burgerI've ever had!
And you can eat a lot of 'emand not feel bloated.
Towelie's had, like, 12!
Best burgers I ever had.
Mmm.
Mmm. Oh, my God.
School cafeteria ribs.
After all that yogurt and crapthey gave me at the hospital.
Mmm!
♪ I loveBarbecue Rib Day ♪
♪ Yeah, I think maybeI like Rib Day ♪
♪ Even more thanSloppy Joe Day ♪
♪ It's a difficult choice
Wendy: Everyone? Everyone, can Ihave your attention, please?
Look, guys. We're supposed to bethe young generation, right?
We're the ones upset aboutthe world our parents left us.
Yeah, but eatingthis kind of food
makes us alljust as guilty.
The millions and millionsof cows and pigs and chickens
that we harvest every year are ahuge reason for climate change.
It is up to us as studentsto protest for change.
Young voices matter!
Without sustainableand ethical food choices now,
we're proving to be no --[ Yells ]
Can I please just enjoy my lunchfor five God damn minutes.
You gotta calm down, Eric,Remember your condition --
We all have freedom of speech
but stop talking about climatechange during lunchtime!
Okay, let's sit down.
Some of us are trying tojust enjoy some simple
God damn barbecue ribsand I --
[Grunting, groaning ]
Oh, God they did itto me again, Butters.
Eric!I think this is the big one.
Don't let me die.Somebody, help!
Don't let me d-don't let me die, butters!
[ Groaning ][ Siren wails ]
Clear.[ Thump ]
We got him back.
Fuck you Wendy.
and a medium beverage...
Randy: Burgers!Get your burgers here!
Okay that'll be fif--
Plant-based burgersfor sale!
Excuse me one moment.
Get your hamburgers here!
Plant-based burgers for sale!
Hey!What are you doing?
I'm sellin' hamburgers! Allnatural, completely plant based.
Thank you sir.You can't sell hamburgers here,
this is a Burger King!
You sell hamburgers here.
Yeah, you sellhamburgers here.
This is seriouslyas good or better
than a real hamburger.
Can I get a couple moreto take to work?
Hey now look, buddy!
I'm not gonna lose customersbecause of you!
We have plant-based burgersinside as well!
Come tryour Impossible burger!
Tegridy burger! Made locallyright here in South Park!
Tegridy burger.
Stop that!
As you know,there are several students
protesting the school menu.
But there are other studentswho are voicing
their concerns against changes.
Eric Cartman is still recoveringin the hospital,
we all wish him well.[ Clears throat ]
Now the school has beenlooking into several options
to deal with problem.
And I do believewe have found a compromise.
We have found a new companyin the plant-based
fast food industrywho would like to be
the supplierfor our cafeteria.
And so please welcome thefounder of Incredible Meat.
[ Claps ]
Hello, children.
I want to thank youand I want to thank
your fine principal,for hearing me out.
I take plantsand I process them into goo.
I am a goo man.
I have factoriesall over the country.
I have trucks right nowloaded with goo
that can be herewithin the week.
The goo I speak ofcan be made into anything.
It can be made into tacos.
It can be made into hot dogs.
And I promise youthat none of your students
will know the difference.
I would very much like to bethe plant-based meat vendor
for your school.
I would like to bethe plant-based meat vendor
for your town.
I'm a simple family manand a vegetarian.
I would like the opportunityto make you all
vegetarians as well.And I thank you.
Randy:Eating meat doesn't just hurtanimals, it hurts people.
It takes 13 pounds of grainto produce
just 1 pound of animal meat.
All that plant foodcould be used
much more efficientlyif people just ate it directly.
Meat is alsonot environmentally friendly.
Meat production is wastefuland causes
enormous amounts of pollution,
and the meat industryis one of the biggest --
Huh?
Oh, I was just sayingthat adopting a vegan diet
is way more effectivethan switching to
a "greener" car in the fightagainst climate change.
For your health,for our planet,
for the animals,and for each other.
We have to switchto plant-based foods.
Now, i-it just so happens...
[ Sighs deeply ]
♪ Cheeba
♪ Cheeba, cheeba
♪ Cheeba Cheeba, cheeba.
♪ Cheeba, cheeba
You gotta be kidding me!
Randy: It's our grand opening!
Come and visit your town's only plant-based burger joint!
It's not the town'sonly plant-based burger joint!
♪ Cheeba, cheeba-cheeba [ Indistinct talking ]
Celebrate our grand opening --
Tegridy Burger.
♪ Jeeba, jeeba ♪
♪ Jeeba-jeeba ♪
Here he comes![ Talking stops ]
♪ It's Taco Tuesday
♪ It's T-Taco --
[ Students murmur ]
Mr. Mackey.Oh, h-hello, Eric.
What's going on, Butters?♪ It's Taco Tuesday
[ Weakly ]♪ It's Taco Tuesday
These tacos look different.What kind are they?
They're...Incredible Beef Tacos.
Oh, Incredible Beef Tacos.That sounds nice.
Hmm?[ Sniffs ]
[ Taco crunches ]
[ Taco crunches ]
Did you guys see thatnew "Joker" movie?
Oh, thank God.It worked.
Whatchu doin',you sum bitch?
Excuse me?
I'm the biggest cattle rancherin South Park.
I made my livin' 62 odd yearsbefore you fancy plant growers
done showed upand put me outta job!
Well I'm sorry,Mr. Cow Killer...
but this is called"evolution."
I got 300 cows thatthe world has suddenly decided
they got no use fer!
What am I supposed to dowith 'em -- Put em in a zoo?
What they gonna do now,go start a cow circus?
Go make some cow TV show?
You are single handedly makingcows extinct, you!
You gotta planfor 'em all?! Fine!
Come on![ Whistles ]
[ Cows moo ]
Farmer: Come on!Yah! Come on!
Mr. Plant-Based Burgers hereis gonna take care of you now!
Yeah, don't worry.He cares about the environment.
So he can figure outwhat to do with you.
[ Chuckling ] Hey.
Fuck you.
No, fuck you,sum bitch!
They're your problem now.
[ Groaning ]
[ Breathes deeply ]
[ Groaning resumes ]
Teacher?
Mm! Mnm-mnm.[ Groaning continues ]
[ Bell rings ]
Lunchtime!
Walk don't run, mm-kay.
Cartman: Hey, Butters!Wait up, dude.
You know whattoday is, right?
♪ It's SalisburySteak Day ♪
♪ Salisbury Steak Day,it's Salis-- ♪
[ Weakly ]♪ Salisbury Steak Day
Butters,is something going on?
Your lunch dancesaren't the same.
Eric, I...I just hate lying to you.
I mean you've beenin the hospital -- twice.
I feel guilty.
Guilty? About what?
It's our lunches, Eric.It's...
Incredible Meat.
Yes,I think it's pretty good.
No, Eric!See, there was this guy.
He's a goo man.
The fuck is a goo man?!
[ Cows mooing ]
Go on, shoo!
Hey! God damn it!
[ Cows mooing ]
I don't knowwhat we're gonna do.
These cows are eatingall our weed,
and they're shittingeverywhere!
They're gonna put us completelyout of business.
Can't you find anyone elseto take 'em?
Nobody wants cowsanymore!
They're bad forclimate change.
We gotta kill 'em.What?!
They're ruiningour burger business!
We gotta killall these cows!
How are we gonna do that?
Look, it's notgonna be easy.
It's not somethinganyone wants to do but...
we're just gonna haveto get really, really high.
[ Song playing ]
[ Burgers sizzle ]
♪♪
[ Cows moo ]
♪♪
[ Cow moos ]
[ Cow moos ]
[ Cows mooing ]
♪♪
Randy: Yeah!
♪♪
Yee-haw!
[ Cow moos ]
♪♪
I've been in your towna little while now.
What I see is a communitythat is ready for change.
You see, I am a goo man.
What I servein your school cafeteria
is a synthetically-modulatedplant protein.
I have taken overnearly all
the fast food restaurantshere in town
and teamed up with the finepeople in your community.
This my new regionalmanager, H.W.
It's Rick.Shut up, H.W.
You see, I'm trying to reachall the school cafeterias,
all the stadiums,fast food restaurants,
all the places thatserve shitty food
and serve shitty goo.
The goo for these kind of placesis made in a factory.
It's made in a lab.
It's just down-market goo.
[ Farting ]
But I can tell peopleit's healthy and earth friendly,
and I can send my goothrough a network of pipes
running all the wayto the ocean.
So, that it can beeaten by people
who eat crappy food anyway --from coast to coast.
And that whatwe have for school lunch now?
That's what all the kids decidedwhile I wasn't there?
But you see,It doesn't work
unless I own allthe crappy food places.
Mr. Rancher?
Y-Yes sir.Mr. Goo Man?
Have you donewhat I've asked you to do?
It's all done, sir.You'll have everything you need.
Well if you don't mind boys,I have work to tend to.
Me too. I need to have a wordwith the students at my school.
Oh, God, Eric!What are you gonna do?!
The plant-based Tegridy Burger
is changing the waypeople think about food.
All over the state,people are turning vegan
and eating more ethicalsustainable meat.
[ Tires screech, engine revs ]
[ Tires screech, engine revs ]
I'm standing nowwith Randy Marsh,
the ownerof Tegridy Burger,
and, Mr. Marsh,you must be pretty excited.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, you know,we're all just --
We're all just bein'healthy and ethical over here!
Uh-huh, and, Mr. Marsh,
what about the student protestscoming out against your burger
right now?!Huh?
Students arecoming forward,
saying that Tegridy Farmsis unethical and hypocritical.
That's right!Tegridy Burger is a fraud!
We caught their farm on camera.Just take a look!
We warn you,the following footage
is graphic.
[ Cows mooing ]
[ Crowd groans ]
[ Randy laughing ]
[ Cow moos ]
[ Crowd boos ]
Mr. Marsh, what do you haveto say about these images?
Oh, hey.
Fuck you!
Oh, they were --
They were just --
We didn't eat 'em!
[ Crowd booing ]
[ Door slams ]
Hey, guys, looks likeI almost missed lunch.
Oh, God.Someone's gonna die.
I found out about whatwe're eating here at the school.
I found outwhat it's made of and where!
N-Now, Eric, stay calm, mm-kay!We're sorry.
We were just tryingto find a compromise!
Now just be calm.
What are you sorry about?
It's me who owes all you guysan apology.
I thought you guyswere all trying
to force me to eat healthy,but I've learned
that a lot of this stuffis made in a factory
and processed with tons of saltjust like all my favorite foods!
SpaghettiOs,Rice-A-Roni...
Here I was thinkingwhat you wanted
was stufffrom a farmers market.
I just didn't wantmy food to change.
School cafeteria meatis just processed crap
that comes in a box,and this is...
just processed crapthat comes in a box.
I don't have a problem with it.
All I wanted was to be able
to eat the same garbageI always have,
and this is definitely garbage.
And hey, if it happens tobe more ethical and sustainable,
well, I guessI'm fine with that, too.
So, you see, guys?
There was actuallyno reason to protest!
We were actually allon the same page all the time!
At least we learnedthat freedom of speech
truly doesn't matter!
Come on, let's eat!
♪ It's ProcessedMeat-Like Substance Day ♪
♪ It's ProcessedMeat-Like Substance Day ♪
Let Them Eat Goo
s23e04 Oktober 16, 2019
The citizens of South Park are moving toward a completely plant-based diet. Cartman is pretty sure the new food in the cafeteria gave him a heart attack.
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