[ Cellphone ringing ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ Sobbing ]
Eric,this isn't working.
Heidi, no, please!
Heidi, Heidi,I would be nothing without you.
You called me a whore
and pushed mein front of a car.
Heidi,I was in a bad mood.
I told you -- that'swhat happens after I eat.
My blood sugar spikes,
and I get all anxiousand then I crash --
Eric, you can't justkeep being mean to me
and blaming iton your blood sugar.
But it--But it's true, Heidi!
It's all my mom's fault.
She feeds meall this crap,
and my body doesn't knowhow to process it.
You [bleep] up my life, Mom![Bleep] you!
How could you feed melike that, you bitch?!
Get outta here!
Eric, if blood sugaris really the problem,
then you need to changehow you eat, right?
Right. Like, what'd ya --what'd ya mean?
Eric, every timeI've talked to you
about maybe being a veganwith me,
you just tell mevegans are pussies,
but then you try and blamefood and your mom for --
It is the foodand it is my mom, Heidi!
It is!I wanna be vegan with you!
I need your help to show me how.Please, Heidi.
I need you right now,more than ever.
I want to do this.Please.
You really mean it?
Yes, Heidi!That's how much I love you.
I'm vegan from now on.
All right, Eric.
We'll see howthis goes, okay?
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay.Okay, bye, honey.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
That dirty whore!
Who does that bitchthink she is?!
Packing my lunch for me?[Bleep] her, dude!
Pissed off at your girlfriendagain, huh, Eric?
She's nota girlfriend.
She's a controlling,manipulative whore!
I am so sickof hearing you
call Heidihorrible things!
That's becauseyou don't understand
how much it sucksto be in a relationship.
Oh, hey, babe.What's going on?
What are you up to?
Nothing, just telling the guyshow awesome it is to be vegan.
That's great.You wanna come eat with me?
I can explainwhat I packed.
Yeah, sure.That sounds awesome.
I don't get it.
I just reallydon't get it.
How is she stillsupporting him?
She loves him,I guess.
But he clearlysucks.
She has to knowhe sucks.
What the hellis going on?
Well, it's notour problem.
It is our problem.
This is affecting us --our whole school.
There's got to be a reasonshe sticks by him.
[ Cheering ]
Heidi,you got a sec?
Oh, hey, Kyle.Hey.
Uh, listen, uh --
I-I know you and Cartmanhave an anniversary coming up,
and I was just wondering,you know,
how do you thinkhe's doing?
As a boyfriend?
Well,what do you mean?
Well, you know, like,some of us are thinking that,
uh, maybe he's not superqualified to be with you.
Oh, God.Not you, too.
Just, like, what arethe things about Cartman
that you find...remotely redeeming?
Look, don't you think I get itenough from my girlfriends?
"He sucks, Heidi.What's wrong with you?
Why can't you admithe's a loser?
How could anyoneever go with him?"
I was justfollowing my heart.
Isn't that whatyou're supposed to do?
You don't haveto get defensive.
I just --Who's being defensive?!
He's great!We're doing great!
I didn't makea bad decision.
I don't need you to stand thereand say, "I told you so."
I didn't say,"I told you" --
You know, you don't knowwhat Eric's like
when we're alone,okay?
He's actuallyreally good to me.
Oh, my God.You're not gonna believe this.
What?You were so right...
[ Door closes ]...when you said there were
vegan optionsfor everything.
Remember how you told meabout Beyond Meat?
Yeah, the vegan meatthat's made
with all vegetablesand plants.
Well, I tried it,and you were right.
You can't eventell the difference
between thatand real meat.
Really?That's great, babe.
So now I've been tryingall kinds of vegan foods.
You gotta try this.It's called Beyond KFC.
Oh, wow.It's all plant-based.
Soy protein, and just --Y-You gotta taste this.
Just try it.
It tastes just like KFC.
I know, right?!Isn't that crazy?
Like -- Like, seriously,
how could you even tellthat this was vegan?
Try the -- try the BeyondMashed Potatoes and Gravy too.
They say you can even drinkthe Beyond Gravy by itself
as like a protein boost.
I don't know about you,but I could eat this every day.
Yeah, it's really good.
I think I know whyHeidi won't admit
Cartman'sa horrible boyfriend.
Dude, are youstill on this?
Maybe she's tellingthe truth, Kyle.
Maybe Eric really doeslove and support her
in waysthat we don't see.
You guys!You guys!
Have you seen Heidi?No.
Well, uh, we've been tryingsome different foods lately,
and, uh, Heidi's put onsome pounds, you guys.
Yeah, Token,don't start ripping on me
for having a fat girlfriend,all right?
Just tryand be cool about it.
Oh, hey, hey, hey, Heidi.What's going on?
I-I'm not feelingthe best again.
I might see if my momcan come pick me up.
Pick you up?That could be tough.
I -- I know,but I just feel bloated.
I think there mighthave been something bad
in that Beyond Arby's.
Yeah,well, cool babe.
Maybe you should, uh,
just waddle on downto the nurse's office.
Can you come with?
We have to helpthat girl.
Can't you seewhat's happening?
Kyle,it's none of our business.
In a way...
I think we're all going outwith Cartman right now.
Yeah, I understand that,faggot.
And you should understandhow my balls are gonna taste
when your countrystarts needing money.
I don't give two shitsabout a treaty.
You're a Polish midget.
[ Knock on door ]Come in.
Uh-huh. Hang -- Hang on.I'm gonna call you back.
Yeah, go [bleep] yourself,retard.
[ Receiver clicks ]
Mr. President,we have a problem.
People arepretty upset.
Oh, don't tell mepeople are still mad
about that nigger thing.
It's pronounced "Niger,"Mr. President.
And it's a countryin Africa.
Ooh, aren't we fancy.
Okay, I don't wanta bunch "Nigers" in Africa
you need to bea little more careful.
A workerwith ties to Russia
was foundraped and executed.
Raped and executed?
Oh, you mean[bleep] to death?
Oh, yeah, that was me.
Mr. President, peopleare starting to question
your oathto the office!
My oath to the office
was that I would [bleep]everyone to death, remember?
Ooh, I 'member!
-Me, too. I 'member!-I 'member that.
You guys be quiet.
And you guysjust get out there
and put a positive spinon this whole thing.
How are we supposed to puta positive spin on it?
It's getting pretty hardto keep defending you.
Maybe it's timewe put our foot down.
[ Beep, whir ]
[ Door closes, locks ]
Hope you broughtsome condoms.
I know things have beendifficult between us lately.
I know you thinkall boys are sort of pigs,
but just know thata lot of us boys
think girls are amazingand smart and beautiful.
Not -- Not likehot beautiful,
I mean likeinside beautiful.
I -- I'm not sayingyou're hot.
You're not --You're not hot.
I'm not sayingyou're ugly.
It doesn't matter.You're all hot on the inside.
If we could all just seeinside you, it would be hot.
What do you want,Kyle?
It's Heidi Turner.
You guys shouldn'tcriticize her so much
for going with Cartman.
Why not? Eric Cartmanis a horrible person.
I know!I-I know that, okay?
Trust me, I hate Cartmanas much as any of you.
But just, give her some space,you know?
You can't keep saying,"We told you so,"
because if you make herfeel dumb,
she just doubles downand tries to prove to herself
that it wasn't dumb.
Why do you care?Do you like Heidi?
Oh, my God.He so likes Heidi.
No, I don't!
Hey, I was thinkin' aboutwhat you said --
how we should all help Heidibreak up with Eric?
You're right.It's our moral obligation.
Yeah, no, we're notgetting involved in that.
Oh, we're not?
Yeah, no,yeah, I, uh --
I think we needto stay out of it.
Cartman, can we talk?
Sure, Kyle.What's up?
I just -- I hope thatmaybe you can realize
what you have with Heidi
and -- and just tryto be good to her, okay?
Kyle, let me tell you somethingabout relationships.
There's always two sides.Okay?
You compromise,she compromises.
Sometimes you criticizeeach other,
but it's all part of tryingto make each other better.
Some day, maybe you'llhave a girlfriend
and you'll understand.
Oh, here she comes.
[ Beating drum ]Boom-baba, boom-baba!
Clear the hallway,everyone!
Heidi's comin' troo!
Wha-- What are youdoing, Eric?
I was just practicing marchingbass drum for my buddy Kyle.
It's his favorite.
Um, are we still onfor lunch?
You betcha.Can't wait.
[ Beating drum ]Boom-baba, boom-baba, boom!
over the President's competencyagain today.
It was duringa Middle East peace conference
when the President referred tothe people of Saudi Arabia
as "a bunchof dirty sand Nigers."
Though the commentsseem divisive,
Speaker of the HousePaul Ryan
says he's stickingby his President 100%.
Reporter: Speaker Ryan,it's the anniversary
of the Presidentbeing elected.
How do you thinkhe's doing?
Well,what do you mean?
He's great.We're doing great.
A lot of people judge himand just see the negative.
People don't know how greatthe President can be
behind closed doors.
They don't get to seeall his good qualities.
Uh-huh. And is that semenon your black eye?
Oh! No, I-I, uh --I tripped on a doorknob!
That's just --That's doorknob cum.
You doing okay,Heidi?
I keep thinkingEric's going to change.
[ Sighs ]Heidi...
People like Cartman,
they always make thingssomeone else's fault.
We all wrongly see ourselvesas the victim sometimes,
but Cartman sees himselfas the victim all the time.
He'll always find someoneto blame for his shortcomings,
and because of that,he's never gonna change.
Before we startedgoing out,
I wasin a really bad place.
I felt pushed awayby society.
Then this guy came along
who told me all the thingsI wanted to hear,
and I just wentwith it.
Does that make mea bad person?
[ Rihanna's "Unfaithful"playing ]No, Heidi.
Good people make bad decisionsevery day.
I've been defending himfor so long.
I don't know howI'm gonna face people
if I finally give up.
♪ Story of my life
♪ Searching for the right
♪ But it keeps avoiding me
♪ Sorrow in my soul
♪ 'Cause it seems that wrong
♪ Really loves my company
♪ I don't wannado this anymore ♪
♪ I don't wannabe the reason why ♪
♪ Every timeI walk out the door ♪
♪ I see him diea little more inside ♪
♪ I don't wannahurt him anymore ♪
♪ I don't wannatake away his life ♪
♪ I don't wannado this anymore ♪
[ Muffled ]Please, Heidi!
[ Sobbing ]
[ Crying ]
[ Doorbell rings ]
What do you want?
He-He-He-Heidi broke up with me,Token.
[ Whimpers ]
I have nothing now, Token.
She was my whole world.
C-Can I just stay herewith you please?
What?! Why?!You still have a house!
I know how you feel now,Token.
To be pissed ofat the world.
To feel completely screwed overby society.
I totally get it now.
I wanna do what you guys do
and go disrespect the flagand flip cars over and stuff.
[ Doorbell rings ]
I'm sorry for everything!
I really understand nowhow you guys feel.
Please, what timeis your family gonna go
disrespect the flag tonight?
I wanna go with.Get outta here!
What's going on?Nothing, Mom.
Heidi broke upwith meeeee...
Token, he's freezing.Come on in out of the snow.
Okay, we're safe to talk.
It's not safe!
Nowhere's safe,don't you understand?
We're all about toget killed!
Shh! Keep your voices down!Look at this?
What areall these numbers?
The latest approval ratings.
I've been researchingour own independent poll.
The president is tanking.
These numbers are so lowthat we might just have an out.
Well, don't you guyssee what this means?
I don't know anything,I'm just a turtle.
It means that the swing votersare turning against him.
It's those people who matter.
Those are the ones who canfinally turn this thing around!
And then we don't have toget killed!
We can't let the presidentknow about this.
Just let him--What are you guys talkingabout?
-Nope!-Nothing, Mr. President.
Just having a little chator something?
It's an opinion poll,Mr. President.
Your numbers are down,
and I wanted to show youso you could do something!
Oh, you bitch!
I was the one who researchedthe poll, Mr. President!
Let me see that...
Huh...Isn't that interesting.
But it's not a problem.
See, I know somethingabout societal psychology
that you three turd ballsdon't.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You guys about donewith the soup?
Don't you like it,Eric?
Well, yeah, no,it's great.
It's just -- well,what time do you guys
usually go out and disrespectthe flag and stuff?
Don't tell me you guysalready disrespected the flag
and flipped over cars today?Did I miss it?
What the hellare you talking about?
I told younot to let him in.
Please, I don't know what to dowith all this anger and hurt!
I'm sorry your girlfriendbroke up with you, Eric,
but maybeyou'll get back together.
No, no, we've broken up before,but this time is different.
I can tell.Something's changed with her.
Heidi won't evenanswer my phone calls.
The Turners' daughter?Yeah...
I thought she waswith that Kyle Broflovski kid.
What?I saw them at the park todayholding hands.
[ Upbeat, whimsical musicplays ]Kyle.
Kyle, Kyle, Kyle!
[ Laughing ]
[ School bell rings ]
[ Western music plays ]
I should have known.
You lying snake!
Cartman, I didn't meanfor things to happen
the way they did.
Did it bother youthat I was happy?
Is that why you took herfrom me, Kyle?!
Cartman, you weren't happy.Shut up, Kyle.
All you did was bitch about herall the time!
You're not gonna talk your wayout of this one!
This is the end, Kyle.
It's you or me!
Come on, Cartman, I-You took everything from me!
All you've ever doneis work to ruin my life!
Well, now I'm gonnafinally fight back!
[Bleep] him up, Eric!
Aah![ Grunts ]
[Bleep] you, Kyle.
I'm sorry, Cartman.
You just have to acceptthat Heidi's moved on.
Guys, I just wanna sayhere's to Heidi!
Welcome backto the land of the living!
[ Cheering ]To Heidi!
[ Chuckles ] Thanks, guys!Thanks for taking me out.
This is really fun!-No worries!
We're just glad youfinally came to your senses!
Yeah! No kidding!
We seriously thought you mightmarry that piece of shit!
[ Laughter ]
Well, you know he -- he actuallyhad some good qualities too.
Uhh, yeah, like what?Racism?
Or the sociopath part?
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, I mean,no offense, Heidi,
But what the [bleep]were you thinking?!
Guys, she's admittedshe made a mistake.
You make a mistakeon your homework.
What Heidi did was more likea momentary loss of all sanity.
[ Laughter ]
It was justwhat I believed in.
Don't worry, Heidi,
we're not gonna keep telling youwe told you so!
But we told you so![ Laughter ]
The only thingI wanna know is
How did you bring yourselfto actually kiss him?
Milly: Can you imagine? EricCartman's breath on your mouth?
[ Imitating Cartman ]Heidi, come here.
I want to kiss youwith my tongue!
-Ew!-[ Laughs ]
[ Sad music plays ]
What are you doing here?
I don't know.I think I...
I just wanna make sure...
you're doing okay.
I want you to know...I'll always care about you.
[ Sniffles ] That's good to know'cause, like,
nothing helps morewhen you're down
than knowing that yourgirlfriend who broke up with you
I'm sorrythat I've hurt you.
I think maybe I am just stupidand I don't know what I want,
and it ends uphurting people.
You need to know something,Heidi...
None of thisis your fault.
But I'm the one who--No.
Heidi,none of this is your fault.
There's stuffI never told you.
It's time I did.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hey.Hey!You all set to go?
I wanted to talk to youfirst.
Kyle, I've been undera lot of stress lately,
and it was all making mereally confused.
I was being manipulated,and I didn't even see it.
I never do.And...
I don't think you saw it either,Kyle.
What do you mean?
I've come to realize thatit's not my fault,
it's your fault, Kyle.
You made all this happen.
Made me question who I was --But, Heidi, I thought--
Shh. But it's okay.You can't help it.
It's how you were raised...what you were taught.
My heritage is Irish,so I'm prone to being moody.
And you're heritage...well, you know...
You can be a little sneakysometimes
and not even realize it.
I'm sorry, Kyle, but...
everybody's trying to live lifethe best they can.
It's hard enough
without your peoplealways trying to get ahead.
did she just call mea dirty Jew?
♪ Happy anniversary to you... Cha, cha, cha.
♪ Happy anniversary,Mr. President... ♪
♪ Happy anniversary to you
[ Applause ]Congratulations,Mr. President.
Looks like many more yearsof the same are to come.
Oh, I don't think so...
I think the next three yearsare going to be even better.
[ Laughs ]
[ Nervous laughter ]
Kyle is playing with fire when he gets in the middle of Cartman and Heidi's relationship.