HARRIS: Attention all units
in the vicinity of South Park Elementary.
We have a code red.
[ Gun cocks ]Principal calling for helpduring school assembly.
All officers needed at once.
The school?[ Engine turns over ]
Oh, geez Louise!
[ Sirens wailing,tires screeching ]
[ Guns cocking ]
[ Tires screech,glass shatters ]
We need to get to the gym.
Half go this way,half go around the side.
Barbrady,you go around back.
[ Breathing heavily ]
On 3.
1...2...
There she is, officers,right there.
I told you to stop chatting withyour friends, didn't I, Leslie?
You see, officers,apparently, Leslie thinks
that talking to her friendsis more important
than learning about diversityin third-world countries.
It's that one.
That's her, right there.You remove her from my school.
Aah! Nobody move!What's happening?!
Get her out of here!Oh, they've got me!
[ Gunshot ]Aah!
Aah!
This town is outraged,Officer Barbrady.
People are tired of the police
not being held accountablefor their actions.
Mayor, I didn't know if therewas a gunman or a bomb --
You shot an unarmed6-year-old Latino child.
I'm sorry.
You are fired.
No, Mayor, please.
This is all I know.
I used to be the only policemanin this town, remember?
Bob, I-I used to chase awaythe sixth graders for you.
You're from another time,Barbrady,
and the last thingthat needs to go.
Your gun and your badge.
And your sunglasses.
No. Please.Not my sunglasses.
You're done,Barbrady.
The town doesn'twant you here.
Where should I go?
You should have thought of thatbefore you shot a Mexican.
[ Whispering ]Latino American.
Latino American.Shit.
You should go away.
You don't belong anywhere
in a townas progressive as this one.
Hey, quiet down over there.I'm trying to sleep.
God damn it.You people all get out of here!
What makes youin charge?
'Cause thisis my [bleep] house!
[ Drum thuds ]
Hey, beat it, man,
or I'll make youmy bitch!
Aah!
Yeah, we've got a bunchof drug-addict vagrants
trespassing in our yard,and we need assistance.
Oh, is that so?
Well,we'd like to come help you,
but we don't want to get fired.
What areyou talking about?
There's homeless people here,and they're scaring my kids.
You need to comedo something about this.
I see.
And are any of these homelesspeople of a minority persuasion?
Why does that matter?
Oh, it matters.
See, used to be we could beat upminorities, and nobody cared.
It's the reason a lot of usjoined the force.
Hey, Mitch, you want to go downand arrest some homeless people,
but not be able to beat upany minorities?
No, thank you.
Yeah, no,I think we're good.
In fact, we're thinking of maybe
turning the whole departmentinto a hula school.
What do you think?
God damn it!
What are they doing?!
They're not coming!
But they have to!
Karen brought in one of theirsyringes, for Christ's sake!
Well,it's just too bad.
The cops won't come,
so there's nobodyto scare the homeless away.
[ Lock disengages,door squeaks ]
Hey, sweetheart.
I've, uh -- I've been let gofrom the force.
I'm so sorry.
[ Dog whimpers ]
Don't worry, old girl.
Might be a little toughto afford your medication,
but I'll find a way.
You know me.
I like to help.
I like to be needed.
You guys, they're gay!They're totally gay.
Who?
Kenny and Token.
What?
Kenny and Token, dude.
They're so gay.Butters told me.
You're lying.No, dude.
In those old, abandonedbuildings around Kenny's house,
Kenny and Token turned itinto a big ninja clubhouse,
and they dress upand play ninja in it,
trying to scare people away.
How is that gay?
It's the gayest thing ever,dude!
Ninjas are [bleep] dumb!
Dude, come on!We got to go see this!
Over this way!
[ Traditional Japanese musicplays ]
Wah!Wah, wah!
Hoo-ah, wah, wah!
We will defend our ninja honor.
Wo-chew, wo-chew!
Intruders!Defend the base!
[ Music continues ]
Hey, guys, did you cometo see our ninja fortress?
[ Gong crashes ]Oh, my God.They're so gay, you guys.
You and Kennybuilt all this?
Yeah,with Clyde and David, too.
You guys should comeand check it out.
Uh, no.We're good, thanks.
Oh, my God, dude.It's a sausage party.
It's pretty cool, dude.People are really scared of us.
Yeah,I'm sure they are.
Hey, excuse me, man.Do you know where --
[ Middle Eastern music plays ]
Aah! Aahhhh!
[ All grunting ]
Oh, my God!
Go, go, go![ Tires squeal ]
[ Engine revs, tires squeal ]
That's pretty cool.
wasn't even doing anything,just talking too loud,
and someone ends upgetting shot.
Hey!What do you want?
It's okay.I'm off-duty.
Just camefor a nice Pinot.
Yeah? Well,go somewhere else, copper.
ShiTpaTown is for peoplewho care about each other.
We don't take kindly
to folks who imposetheir authority
on the underprivileged.
Now, look, not all cops
are racist,trigger-happy assholes.
Really?
I'll bet you don't even knowwhat "farm-to-table" means.
-Yeah!-All right!
Wow.
We've only had a Whole Foodsfor a month,
and already, we don't need cops.
So cool.
Joining our clubis very serious.
You must promise to upholdthe warrior's code.
Totally, dude.Ninjas are sweet.
Together, we must strive to makeour fortress super badass
and keep all intruders out.
To that end, let us proceedto our training.
Dude, can I talk to youfor a minute?
Listen, I don't think we shouldlet Kyle be a ninja, okay?
He said ninjas were gay.
He's probably gonna tryto turn it around on me,
but that's 'cause Kyle knowsI heard him.
You're talking to Kyleright now.
Yeah, cool.
It's me -- Butters.
You're the one who saidninjas were gay.
Why do you want to make thisa problem?
I'm --I'm just Butters, man.
I have problemswith lots of things.
Hey, Eric, you wantto try sparring with me?!
Yes I do, Butters.
Ooh! Ow![ Coughs ]
Intruders!
Yeah,it's right up here.
We can shoot upin these abandoned buildings.
[ All grunting ]
[ Middle Eastern music plays ]
Aah! Aah!Aah. Aah!
is holdinga large protest tonight
outside of theirpolice department.
The townspeople say the protestis meant to begin a dialogue
about the relationship betweenlaw enforcement
and the citizensthey are supposed to protect.
[ Album scratching ]♪ [Bleep] the police
♪ Comin' straightfrom the underground ♪
♪ A young nigga got it bad'cause I'm Brown ♪
♪ And not the other color,so police think ♪
♪ They have the authorityto kill a minority ♪
♪ [Bleep] that shit,'cause I ain't the one ♪
♪ For a punk mother[bleep]with a badge and a gun ♪
♪ To be beaten onand thrown in jail ♪
♪ We can go toe-to-toein the middle of a cell ♪
♪♪
♪ [Bleep] the police
[Bleep] [Bleep]
♪ [Bleep] the police
[Bleep] [Bleep]
♪ Pulling out a silly club,so you stand ♪
♪ With a fake-ass badgeand a gun in your hand ♪
♪ But take off the gunso you can see what's up ♪
♪ And we'll go at it, punk,and I'mma [bleep] you up ♪
♪ Ice Cube will swarm
♪ On any mother[bleep]in a blue uniform ♪
♪ Just 'cause I'm from the CPT
♪ Punk police are afraid of me,huh ♪
♪ A young nigga on the warpath
♪ And when I'm finished,it's gonna be a bloodbath ♪
♪ Of cops, dying in L.A.
♪ Yo, Dre,I got something to say ♪
♪ [Bleep] the police
♪♪
♪ [Bleep] the police
Aahhhh!
Are your children being luredinto terrorist organizations?
A shocking report shows
that some kids in the townof South Park
are swearing loyaltyto a murderous regime.
Yeah, we're pretty badass,
and, um, this is, like,our fortress,
and you can seeit's pretty cool.
MAN: And what about this wayof life is attractive to you?
BUTTERS: Well, it's just cool'cause we're tough,
and we fight and stuff.
And we can --Yeah, yeah, yeah!
And it's likewe can do whatever we want,
and people are scaredof us.
It's totally rad.
Then why did you sayit was gay before?
Oh, my God!I never said it was gay!
Wait,he said this was gay?
That is a total lie!
Why would I saysomething homophobic
about the wayTweek and Craig make love?
He's a lying,backstabbing Jew!
I'm Stan.
No doubt the growing numberof kids swearing loyalty to ISIS
could be problematicfor the progressive town.
Here you go, old girl.
We'll just have to make do.
Ew!
Spare a dollar?
No, I don't.I'm sorry. Thank you.
God damn it. Ew.
Mayor, I didn't bust my assto gentrify this part of town
to have it overrunwith homeless people.
Why are they allsuddenly coming here?
Mayor, what are you goingto do about this?
My wife and Ican barely eat or shop.
When a town like ourshas a homeless problem,
it must look at the rootof what's causing it.
It's ISIS!What?
There's these troubled kids
who've turned their backson America.
They've taken over SodoSoPa,forced all the homeless out.
Why would kids in our townwant to be a part of that?
They're just bad kids,
rotten on the inside,probably with shitty parents.
I-I don't wantto make you angry, but why?
Well dad, I just r-r-really likebeing a part of something.
I feel like it'scharacter-building,
and it's lots of fun.
Fun?
But what do you...believe in?
What do we believe in?
We believe in something greaterthan ourselves,
and that by followingour strict warrior code,
we believe that our faithsand our traditions
are a way to a greater path --the p-p-path of the warrior.
And as long as we stay unitedin honor,
we can defeat all our enemies.
Waghgh waaaaghghhhg!
Wow.The fellas were right.
People are really freaked outby ninjas.
Okay, we've just gotto be really apologetic
and tell themwe didn't mean it, okay?
Geez.This is so embarrassing.
What if they won't help uswith the homeless?
I'm pretty surethe police will help out
if it's because ISISis taking over the town.
[ Hawaiian music plays ]
Officers, there's kids in townwho have joined ISIS.
We don't know who they are,but they --
What?What's that, you say?
The town is in danger,all right?
We don't knowwhat these kids are capable of.
Geez. I'm sorry.
We've got to workon our Kaholo Koloa
and get the lomilomi chickenready for the big Ho'olaule'a,
which leaves us, oh,
not enough timeto deal with ISIS.
All right, look,there's homeless people
all over our gentrifiedfood-and-arts district.
If you don't stopthese twisted kids, then --
Hey, who was it that said[bleep] the police?
Was that Ice Cube?Tupac?
Oh, right.That was you guys.
Sorry, but I guess you'll haveto find somebody else
to do all the difficult,dirty shit
you don't want to do yourselves.
I got to be ready for the luau.
I might even kiss a dude.
So, then,after you told me,
we both went overto Kyle and Stan,
where they were playingbasketball, remember?
Yeah.
And we said Kenny and Tokenwere playing ninja,
and Kyle saidthat ninjas were gay.
And I said, "Ninjas are gay?"But it was a question.
You remember?
I thoughtyou said it first.
No, no, no, no.
See, now, Kyle's got everyoneremembering it wrong
because he doesn't wantto get kicked out of the group.
That's what Jews dowhen they're caught in a lie.
You cannot trusta Jewish ninja, Butters.
TOKEN:You guys, you guys!
STAN: What?
Actual ninjaswant to talk to us.
What?
Kenny and I both just got
the same e-mailfrom people overseas.
Whoa, dude!
How'd they find outwho we were?
They're [bleep] ninjas,dude!
[ Static hissing ]
So, you are the brave childrenwho have committed to our cause.
We have heardof what you are doing,
and we are very impressed.
Cool.Thanks, dude.
What you are doingis very important,
and we would like to help youhowever we can.
We are goingto be wiring you some money.
Whoa! Cool!
This is the greatest thing ever,you guys!
Uh, excuse me,
could I just set the recordstraight on something?
Of course.
Should Jews be trusted?
I mean,if one of us is a Jew,
do you see thatas being at all problematic?
Extremely.
Yes!
Yes!
[ "U Can't Touch This"by MC Hammer plays ]Oh, oh, oh, oh!
What did I tell you guys?Thank you!
RANDY:Hey, Barbrady.
Officer Barbrady?
[ Dog whimpers, pants ]
Wha-- who?
Hey, buddy.
What do you want?
How would you liketo be a policeman again?
I'm no good as a policeman.
I'm a bumbling, old fool.
That is not true.Who said that?!
Look, Barbrady, the fact is,the town needs you.
They need me?To do what?
We need youto shoot some kids.
No! Shoot kids?!
I don't wantto shoot kids!Shh, shh, shh!
These are really bad kids --terrorists.
This is totally differentfrom before.
Oh!
Are any of themminorities?
A couple of them we think,yeah.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Shh!Look, look, look!
Barbrady! Barbrady!
We were wrong about you. I was wrong about you.
You protected this town
back beforeanybody else ever did.
You used to do itall on your own.
We need youto do that again.
You're the only copthis town needs, Barbrady.
Go shoot those kids.
♪♪
CARTMAN: Guys, I know this ishard for all of us,
but to truly be ninjas,we must face hard facts.
Last night, I spoke in privatewith our ninja leader overseas.
We talked a long time about Jewsand the Hebrew faith.
He told me a lot I didn't know,
and I was able to tell himsome things he did not know.
But after talking with that guy,
it is abundantly clear to methat Jews cannot be ninjas.
I went to Kyle's houseto talk to him about it,
and I found this.
It was thenthat Kyle confessed to me
about how he had brainwashedButters and Stan into thinking
I had used a homophobic slurto refer to our organization.
And he almost got away with it.
That's when Kyle triedto kill me.
Luckily, I was the faster ninja.
Kyle knew I would nevercall ninjas gay.
When I take the gag off,
he's going to try and tell youthat I'm lying now.
Do not believe him.Kyle is a liar.
KYLE:I'm right here.
Who -- Who's this?
STAN:That's Clyde.
And I am Token.
Why do I do these things,you ask?
Black rage.
[ Insects chirping ]
[ Middle Eastern music playing ]
[ Gasps ] Oh, Jesus.
ISIS. Oh, God.
Okay -- Okay, Dad,it's not organic chicken.
I'm not comfortable shoppingat Whole Foods
with all the homeless peoplethere.
But don't worry,that's all about to change.
Soon we'll all have ShiTpaTownto enjoy again.
Where's Stan?
He's playing ninjas overat Kenny's house.
Ninjas?That's gay.
He's playing ninjasat Kenny's house?
Yeah.
You mean SodoSoPa?Uh-huh.
Wait a minute...
[ Japanese music plays ]Ninjas...
[ Middle Eastern music plays ]
[ Japanese music plays ]
[ Middle Eastern music plays ]
...Scary...
[ Japanese music plays ]Gay...
[ Middle Eastern music plays ]Scary...
[ Both music switching ]Gay.
Scary.
Gay.
Scary.
Gay.
Randywhat are you doing?
Scary.
Gay.
Scary.
Gay.
Scary.
Gay!
Staaaan!!
CARTMAN: Oh, I getthe misunderstanding now!
but Clyde thought I was Kyle,
so then he was sayingthat I said ninjas were gay.
Meaning I as in Kyle.
KYLE: Nobody ever gavea shit, you fat turd.
TOKEN:All those in favor
of Cartman being kicked outof our ninjas club?
ALL: Hai!
No!You can't kick me out!
I have to be a ninja.
They hate Jews.I was made for this, you guys!
Please!
STAN: What should wedo with him?
Freeze!
Oh, shit!
Please!I don't want to shoot you!
STAN: Cool. Don't.
[ Groaning ]
[ Children flinch ]
I understand you're feelingangry at this town.
I'm gettingpretty angry, too!
But we can't give up on it.
Please, boys...
Don't make this end violently.
They're juststupid ninjas!
DAVID: Aah!!
Aaaah!!
What were you thinking?
Boys innocently playing ninja,and you pull your gun on them?
David Rodriguezwas lucky to live.
Everybody told methey were terrorists!
We thought they were!
But if it turns out they aren't,as a policeman,
you have to figure that out!
But...You saidyou needed me to kill some kids!
Oh, he's gonnalay this on us now.
I said "kill some kids,"
but I said itas a question, remember?
I said,"Kill some kids?"
I'm sorry, but we just can'tcover your ass on this one.
There's going to bean investigation and...
You just don't havewhat it takes
to be a policemanin today's times.
Do you even knowwhat "farm to table" means?
[ Siren chirps ]
Let's go, people.You can't stay here.
You are being relocated.
Hey, you can't kick usout of here, man.
Oh, no?I'm a cop.
Thank you, officers.
We've got a deal,right?
Yes.
All right, you.Come on.
Aah!
Please! You can't take me backto SodoSoPa!
ISIS is there!
No, thosewere just ninjas.
Ninjas?
Oh, that's so gay.
I told you guys.
What did I tell you?
I saidninjas are [bleep] gay,
but you didn't wantto listen.
Nooo.
Officer Barbrady?
Yes?
We've beenwatching you.
And what we see
is a man who truly wantsto protect his town.
You do?
You've been in this townlonger than almost anyone.
Have you noticed...changes lately?
Yeah,a lot of changes.
They aren'ta coincidence, officer.
They are allpart of a plan
to take down your beloved townand everyone in it.
What?
What do you know abouta little girl named...
Leslie?
[ Dramatic music playing ]
Naughty Ninjas
s19e07 November 11, 2015
The citizens of South Park decide they no longer need a police force in town.

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